


Smile

by blackjack34212



Series: Longer stories [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-10
Updated: 2015-10-29
Packaged: 2018-04-20 03:31:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 17,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4771805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackjack34212/pseuds/blackjack34212
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When I try to think of the first time I met her, I can only remember a few things about her. However, she blew my mind in a couple of ways which is why I can specifically remember three things about it. We were on the beach, I was hanging out with some of my friends just playing soccer on the beach, enjoying the sun, soaking in the bright rays of Florida, and being generally mesmerized by the peachy sunset. After a while I heard some people talking and these twins had walked up to my sister and some of her friends, at first I didn’t think much of them considering I was focused on soccer, however when I took a closer look I couldn’t help but be impressed by their immense beauty. I was very attracted and eventually decided to go introduce myself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> This is a biography of my life with the girl that I fell for and the thick and thin moments of our relationship, I hope you can relate and if you read this and you recognize the story let me know I'll tell you if its who you think it is! :) This is from my perspective, and the opening is in past tense where as conversation and thought is in present.

When I try to think of the first time I met her, I can only remember a few things about her. However, she blew my mind in a couple of ways which is why I can specifically remember three things about it. We were on the beach, I was hanging out with some of my friends just playing soccer on the beach, enjoying the sun, soaking in the bright rays of Florida, and being generally mesmerized by the peachy sunset. After a while I heard some people talking and these twins had walked up to my sister and some of her friends, at first I didn’t think much of them considering I was focused on soccer, however when I took a closer look I couldn’t help but be impressed by their immense beauty. I was very attracted and eventually decided to go introduce myself.

  
“Hey!” They both turned to look at me and I was caught off guard, I won’t lie I have always had a mental checklist of things I found attractive (physically that is, I can go on forever about the personality of someone). Of the two of them one was slightly taller than the other, just barely maybe her shoes or her posture, she just held herself in a very dignified way, and she was fuller in two ways I guess of energy, and spirit. I have always been a sucker for freckles and green eyes, however I’ve never met a girl who had freckles, emerald green eyes, and curly blonde locks that seemed to cascade sunlight onto her rosy cheeks. The combination was outrageous, I was blown away by her beauty, her sister was equally beautiful, but it was something about this one…  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
“Ummm… Hey, I’m uh Asher!” Smooth as sandpaper.

  
“Oh, Hi! I’m Ella, and this is my sister Caitlynn, nice to meet you!” She extended her hand towards mine and I couldn’t help but notice how fair her skin was, not pale white just not tan, they couldn’t have been from Florida. I appreciably took her hand, warm (something I’ve learned over time, she is very warm in more ways than one) it was like pleasantly warm though, not clammy just warm. I shook both Ella’s and Caitlynn’s hand before stepping away and suddenly I thought I needed to say something to continue the conversation.

  
“So, um How do I tell you two apart?” Wow, is that rude? Bad choice I think.

  
“Well, just remember I’m fancier that Cate” Ok, fancier, what? She calls her sister by a shorter name is that normal or just a sister thing? Am I supposed to call her Cate or Caitlynn

  
“Fancier?” Maybe I shouldn’t have asked I don’t know I’m not even thinking straight currently, I can’t stop looking at this girl, I mean she is really captivating.

  
“Well, she wears nicer clothes than me” Cate talks differently than Ella, more moody or mellow maybe. Note to self: remember what they wear to tell them apart.  
“Ok, haha I’ll try to remember that!” Honesty, I was honest well that’s a pleasant change, to my persona.

  
As the night went on I tried to focus on other things, I didn’t want to look like a creep by constantly staring, but honestly, it was hard not to stare Ella was captivating, not just in looks but in manners too, she really is fancier in a way, I wouldn’t choose fancy though, I would choose Modern Grace. Like a model who isn’t full of themselves, or a princess who doesn’t mind her rank. Humility too; although I have exchanged a total of only twenty three words, I’ve been attentive in listening to her speaks to others, and although she says she is fancier, it’s not a statement of arrogance, just facts. When she introduces herself or tells a quick anecdote about her life, or answers a simple meaningless question, it’s all answered honestly, and without dramatic flair.

  
I, Asher Pryce, am no good with ladies. I admit it. However much it hurts me to say it, I admit that I have no game and no skill. However, that’s only with the girls that I like that catch my eye. I’m an extremely comfortable person, but for some reason this girl, Ella, she melts me, and I have nothing to say as if everything I usually have witty and funny to say is destroyed and meaningless. All I really want is something beautiful to say, a way to take her breath away. For the next few nights I lay awake at night running through my mind different things I could say to this girl, a conversation, or something. I need to find her interest. Something that captivates her is my in, my way to get to know this girl. I ran over conversations in my head a million times, what I would say if “this” happened or “that” happened. Yet, every time I tried to talk to her, I shied away. Which is extremely odd if you happen to know me, I’m not a shy person in fact I am the first person to tell you everything that has ever happened to me, or sing in public even though my voice is garbage, or try to do some dumb stunt which ultimately fails. So this girl is literally changing my world.

  
I have always told myself “Asher! Look man, you don’t need a woman, no sir. All you need is a good book, a computer, a skateboard and music, women just complicate things.” Then I met Ella and my presupposition shattered. I needed this girl like I needed Oxygen. Nothing has ever seemed so clear to me before. When I’m without her, my heart is forlorn with grief and I think about her at every waking moment. When I’m near her I feel extremely uncomfortable and have the desire to just hug her, and talk to her for hours on end, but I can never build up the courage.

I feel like that’s going to change soon however, something, I don’t know what, but something will happen… I hope… because I’m a wreck until I can talk to her.


	2. Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Words have a way to cut deep, leave you thinking for months even years about something someone said. Sometimes words hurt, and sometimes words confuse.

So a little back story is in order. After that day at the beach Ella and Cate began to come to my church. I was lucky that they had a family friend who attended, so they felt like coming as they were uncomfortable at their parent’s mega church; our church had a smaller intimate feel. This was fantastic for me; I got to see them 2-3 times a week now. My courage was starting to build up and I knew what eventually an opportunity would present itself. However once the school year started Ella’s sister Cate left to go back up north to their original home. This was bittersweet because it meant that I could easier talk to Ella, but her sister was very friendly and it left a sour taste in everyone’s mouth to see her leave.

My mother is a children’s director, meaning she runs the Sunday morning service for children, she teaches them a very basic lesson about Jesus and the Bible and students in the youth like me often come over to help out as a means of ministry (or for most to skip service). It was great for studious people like me because I get tons of community service hours; however I found that I usually just sat in the sound booth at church changing slides on the slide show while talking to one or two people. Ella had begun helping out in the children’s church.

One day we had an abundance of people working, so there were three of us camping out in the sound booth. Ella, Hilary, and I. Hilary had quickly become Ella’s best friend in her transfer down to Florida. When it comes to people that I love Hilary is high on that list. She is brutally honest which I appreciate, but she is loyal, compassionate, and bubbly. The only negative I see in Hilary is that she tends to talk about herself a lot, which was the case this Sunday.

“I mean this guy, he was soooo hot, like I just was like ‘uhhhhh hi, I’m uhhhhh Hil-Hilary!’ and he just laughed it was pretty embarrassing.” Another story, another guy, sigh- I wish she could hold on another conversation. I took a pen and pushed a sound slider up to turn the music up.

“Haha, that’s not too bad, do you think he might ask you to prom?” Hmm Ella mentioned prom I wonder if she has a date? I looked over at her, she was stunning today, she was wearing this short black skirt with white lace on the end. Elegant, really. The chair she was seated in was so old and squeaky so she as she leaned back to look at Hilary it made a loud squeak.  

“Are you kidding? I would be surprised if he even talked to me haha” How can she always laugh at herself, that impressive, I feel like I should say something about prom, I could sound like cool or something. I mean prom isn’t the best, but I usually go, my last date to prom failed royally however. We were assigned to different tables… Who even gives assigned seats at prom? Like why?

“Prom is overrated” But I always go to prom why did I say that? “I mean I go to prom, but every year I end up regretting, I never go with anyone who its worth going with” That’s true it usually isn’t worth it to put on my only suit, and try to dress up to impress people who I don’t even really care about.

“I’ve never been to prom, but I would love to go some time!” Ella wants to go to prom, I could be suave here. Ideally I ask her to prom, but I have a hard time even looking at her, making eye contact, how could I possibly ask her-

“I’ll take you to prom haha” Ok, well maybe If I just go for it without thinking about it-

“Haha I would love that!” Di-Did I just ask Ella out? “No, I think I’ll wait a while before I go” Not sure whether I’m relieved or disappointed.

“You guys… at prom? Ha! I can’t even imagine!” Ouch that cut deep.

“I was just joking Hilary, calm down” This girl can really annoy me sometimes. That really wasn’t her place to speak, I feel like there is an alternative motive here, like defense or something. I catch of whiff of something sour.

“Yea I was just kidding too Hilary” Ok got out of that clean what was I thinking? That could of ended really badly.

“Speaking of Prom… and like love and stuff, have you guys heard about the love language quiz?” The what? Love… Language… interesting this could be promising.

“No I haven’t what is it like that 5 love language thing?” Ella knows of it I guess.

“My mom says it’s really accurate, basically- wait Asher do you know what the love Languages are?” I shrugged my shoulders, honestly I do, but I don’t want to sound like a sap.

“Ok wow, umm basically it’s like this: people have love languages, or different ways that they receive love or understand it.”

“Ok”

“So for certain people it means different things, for example my love language is gifts” Of course it is, Oh Hilary.

“But for others it could mean different things, like words of affirmation which is like kind words, or acts of service, or Quality time, or Physical touch” I already know mine, I never took a quiz or anything, but it’s got to be Physical touch, I’ve hugged more people than a fast food cashier sees in a day.

“Yea I get it” I don’t really want to do it, but if I do maybe Ella will? I pulled my phone out and searched the website Hilary told us about. It was really old fashioned and pink, and too professional for a quiz.

“Asher you should just go first.” Of course Hilary wants me to go first. I leaned back into my chair and swung my feet up on the counter next to the computer.

“Alright let’s do this” I answered about 15 questions or so and sure enough I got first place Physical touch and second place quality time. It says I would be matched with someone who gets the same results, whereas someone who got Gifts for example would be well matched with someone who got acts of service, one likes to give one likes to receive.

“Ella?” I asked the question almost seductively and regretted in instantly.

“Uh, haha I didn’t really want to.” Crap

“Well, I think you should!” Thank Lord for Hilary.

“Ok, I guess I’ll do it.” I stood up to stretch and Hilary grabbed my arm and the two of us walked down from the sound booth into the hallway. She had said something to Ella like, we need to get some stuff for the kids, but I couldn’t focus I was too busy thinking about that quiz.

“Are you hitting on Ella?” Oh, no.

“Umm is that what it looks like?”

“Uh yea”

“Well” Ok do I tell the truth and risk rushing things or lie to her best friend? “I wasn’t trying to, I mean I’m just a very sarcastic person sorry.” Clever Asher, clever.

“Well, you give off the wrong impression, and just for the record she doesn’t like you so stay back, if you hurt her, I’ll hurt you.” Ouch, again words with the cutting deep into me. I mean I really want this girl Ella. But, I hardly know her and know Hilary is going to stonewall me from her. So I feel like I should just back off. I’m starting to give up. Between the mean friend and my lack of courage this seems like it just isn’t going to work. “Lets go back.”

“Ok, I mean…” My voice trailed off, I fought back raw emotion coming up and bottled it up like I always did. I followed Hillary back into the sound booth. Ella was just finishing that quiz when she looked up at me.

 “What did you get?”

“Well, I don’t know if I want to share haha, Its kind of personal- for me at least.” Well, ok I guess.

“That’s fine, I’m just more comfortable I guess.” I took my phone back and we looked at each other for a second and my eyes darted away as I felt Hilary staring at me.

“I-“ I got cut off by my mom.

“Ok class we are done for the day see you all next week! Don’t forget your flyers on the way out make sure you invite your friends next week to get a prize!” Bribery, I gave up on my thought and took my leave. I rushed downstairs without saying goodbye to Hilary or Ella, and found my sister. I followed her out to her car and we began our way home. As we were driving home engaged in meaningless talk, I took my phone out and began by opening Internet explorer to see that the webpage was still open to the quiz page with Ella’s results.

A carbon copy of my results.


	3. A new leaf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The conversation between me and Richie is a true story.

I started to get more involved in youth group because I really wanted to see Ella more and she was attending a lot. I convinced my parents to make the long drive out there on Wednesday nights and we started attending regularly. Soon however my Mom took the role of Wednesday night chef at the church, she prepared meals for the Wednesday nights and this meant I started to get to the church around four in the afternoon even though Youth group didn’t start until around six. I had two hours every day to just wait around and goof off. I decided to get involved in the worship team upstairs and do the sound board for them. I was pretty handy at electronics and there was a need (it was totally selfless, not because I had nothing better to do for two hours duh.) so I filled it. There was another guy who did the soundboard with me, his name was Richie. Richie was an arrogant, short, prideful kid who always wanted his way, and was in really bad need of a friend; however I really didn’t want to be that friend for obvious reasons. The worst part is that I had heard rumors that he had or was (To this day I’m not sure what happened) dating Ella. So this just made me all the more apprehensive to talk to him and even share the time of day with him, let alone work with him.

“Asher, can you turn down the bass and fix the equality level on the leads mic?” Why does he pretended to know what equality means.

“It sounds fine Richie; really don’t worry about it so much.” I wish he would just leave and go to band practice or whatever it is he does.

“No, it really doesn’t sound fine I’ve been doing this kind of stuff for eight years, I think I can tell when something is off with the sound. Or maybe the lead just has a bad voice if you know what I mean haha.” Wow, eight years? He is literally fourteen years old, I may only be two years older than him, but this kid is just cocky.

“You mean to tell me you’ve been doing sound since you were six?”

“Yes, the old church I went to had no one who could do it.”

“Richie I doubt you could have possibly done sound when you were six”

“I could I was in charge of the team!” Oh my word. This kid doesn’t know when to stop? What is he thinking that I’ll magically believe a six year old is the smartest sound technician ever?

“So let me guess your church was for children only and the sound board was just a toy? And your crew we’re fellow six year olds?”

“No, the church was like six times bigger than this one, and I was in charge of sound.” Six times bigger, our church has roughly three hundred attendee’s, so his church was a mega church and they had a six year old running sound, sounds about right.

“So, this mega church with almost 2,000 people couldn’t afford a sound crew, so they hired a six year old to run it?”

“I never said I was six I was like ten, gosh” What? So now he thinks he can just back step and I’ll just leave it be?

“Ten, ok sure whatever. But you defiantly said six and a ten year old wouldn’t be running sound let alone be in charge of it at this mega church of yours.”

“So what? Everyone exaggerates their stories!” He just kind of giggled and started walking away “I got to get another mic cable.”

“Yea sure.” He isn’t wrong I tend to exaggerate my stories too just not like that. The rest of the night went on and it seemed to go pretty well, Richie had to go home because he had something come up so I got to help the band myself and it sounded pretty good if I do say so myself.

Around 5:30 I headed downstairs to get dinner before youth started and sat around at a Table with my best friend Dillon. Dillon is probably one of the best decisions I could have ever made when it comes to friends. The same age as me, we both like skating, we both like being outdoors, we share a love for movies and the best part is we bring each other up and are encouraging to one another, I could share no more love for Dillon if I wanted. When I get married he will without a doubt be my best man, he is the peanut butter to my jelly, the wind beneath my wings, he is the- you get it best friend. As I was finishing dinner and engaging in small talk with Dillon and our mutual friend Job (pronounced Joe-beh like the book of the Bible).  Job was telling a joke.

“Yea so have you guys ever heard the one about Christmas?” This is probably bad considering we aren’t really close to Christmas.

“No, go for it!” Dillon has no clue, if I know Job this will be an Anti-joke like always.

“Ok, so these two brothers are celebrating Christmas when the time comes to open their presents. They both rushed down stairs to open their presents and the first bother opens a toy race car and he is so happy he starts running around and getting happy, when his brother opens-“ I stopped listening, I turned around because I heard a door open and boy, am I glad I heard that door open. In walks Ella looking as out of my league as ever. It was spring time so it was still kind of cool outside so it wasn’t uncommon to see people dressed warm but, she rocks that kind of look. Brown leather boots leading into tight dark jeans that really exemplified her figure, into a red lacy top. Her hair was as curly as always something I’ve learned to love more than fresh baked cookies. She was looking right at me with her emerald eyes and I melted. I just watched helplessly as she walked over to me and hugged me while I was still sitting down. She sat down at our table just a Job finished his Joke.

“- at least I don’t have cancer!” well I’m glad I didn’t hear that whole joke… is that her perfume, that’s… intoxicating, in a good way.

“Wow” Dillon was able to say after laughing. “Just wow.”

“What?” Ella missed the whole joke I just hope she doesn’t ask to hear it again. “I don’t think I want to hear that joke…” Good on you. “So, how’s it going?”

“I’m good!” If I could have answered that faster I would have cut her off… reign it in Asher. “well besides being her all day, but that’s ok.”

“You’re here all day?” She seemed actually intrigued not just forcing conversation. “Why?”

“Well not all day just from like three” there is the exaggeration I was talking about. “But its ok, my mom makes all this food.”

“Yea she does” Dillon took a whole roll and stuffed it in his mouth, how does he keep his body so perfect with the way he eats?

“Oh that’s unfortunate.” “What do you do while you’re here?”

“Well, I actually just started doing the sound board for youth too.”

“Really? So… you’re joining Richie?” Where is this going? “That’s unfortunate for you.” What?

“What does that mean?”

“Ha! I was just kidding it’s just Richie is really annoying.” Oh this could be good.

“You can say that again… this story he made up earlier… wow” I really didn’t want to repeat it I’m not a jerk or anything.

“What did he say?”

“Oh, just some stories about how he is so much better at all this than me.”

“Wow that’s cocky.” Yea it is.

“Well you know what they say-“Good thing I got cut off.

“Alright guys lets go up to youth!” Aric, what a cool guy he must be in his late thirties because he is married and has two kids and another on the way but, he looks like he is in his twenties. Perfect for a youth pastor I guess. We all got up and headed to the elevator to head up to the youth room.

Later that night as worship started and I’m in the make shift sound booth that is literally a plywood table on cinderblocks with a sheet over it, I started to look around. Must have been like at least thirty kids getting up in sympathy of metal chairs against tile being pushed back as they stood up. It suddenly dawned on me how few people I really knew. Besides the band, Ella and Dillon were the only people I knew well. As the worship went on and I only missed a few slides I noticed Ella had her hands up in worship. I have done this a few times but the only motive was to impress people around me, or to fit in. I wondered for a moment if that what she was doing, or as Aric once said ‘a way to reach out for God’ my mind continued to wander and I began to think is Ella like me? Is she here for the purely social interaction, or does she actually want to learn? After youth group I saw her one last time before leaving.

“Are you going to Reach 941?” a ministry event; I wasn’t planning on but…

“Are you?”

“Yea I am! You should come!”

“I might just do that…” This could be an opportunity

“You should” She reached forward to hug me and I accepted the hug graciously and wrapped her up, something I’m known for is great hugs. Her smell was overwhelming and I let go before I got lost in it. “You give really good hugs!”

“That’s what I’m told.” I just kind of awkwardly grinned a bit probably looking pretty dumb but whatever.

“Well, I’ll see you around!” and she left. Something that still tears me up to this day: when she leaves.


	4. My turning point (pt.1)

Something I’ve grown used to is waiting. Unlike most children in America I had to and still have to get everything I want myself. This usually requires a lot of waiting and saving. I became obsessed with getting certain things; but one thing I have never been able to get was friends, people who stay in my life. I struggle with Anxiety and one thing that turns my anxiety up to a ten is thinking about losing relationships when everyone grows up and moves on. It isn’t until moments like the one I’m about to describe that my anxiety plummets through the ground and I all but forget those problems. Before I met Ella my main Anxiety relief was music, I would let the music inspire me to making poor decisions. Then when I got to know Ella she was someone who dissipated all feelings of dread and anxiety. So, I decided to go to Reach 941 for a few reasons, one being I was really starting to become interested in the idea of faith, but mainly because Ella said she was going.

It was really warm the day of Reach 941, the sun was shining bright, not a cloud in the sky. I was carting my things into the church: a suit case, a pillow, a sleeping bag, etc. The idea behind this event was a chance to go out into our local area and help people in various ways whether that was giving away food to needy families or praying over people. My suitcase was beginning to annoy me by constantly falling over as I pulled it up the concrete ramp to the front glass doors of the church. A friend held the door open for me as I walked towards the door.

“Hey!” His name was Alex, I didn’t know him that well, but he was a funny guy, short blonde hair and an arrogant attitude, yet somehow we became really close friends. “Having some trouble there?” He was pointing at my suit case and everything falling off it.

“Nah, it’s alright, I just need to get inside.” As I approached the open door a blast of cold air hit me, the people at this church always seem to keep the building so cold. “I’ll see you around I guess.”

“Hey Asher, the high school guys are staying upstairs in the old Roland’s class.”

“Thanks Aric, do you know who all is here already?” It was kind of early, my parents always seemed keen to drop me off earlier than the actual event. My question was pointed of course, it had a secret meaning but no one but me knew that.

“Well, so far just you me and Alex.”

“That’s it?”

“Yep.” Dang too early for my taste.

“Well, I guess I’ll just head upstairs and drop my stuff off.” At least I’ll be able to get early dibs on a sleeping area.

“Alright come back down here when your done so you can help other people in.” Always trying to put me to work…

“Sounds good.” I let those words slip off my tongue almost cheerfully so that he had no impression of what was actually going through my mind. I turned around and led my suit case over the cold tiles clacking on the spaces in the tiles towards the elevator. I dropped my stuff off in the room I was supposed to, and made a bed out of chairs, those chairs that have big thick cushions covering the whole chair and are made for pews. Quite the makeshift bed. I headed back down stairs to see many more people with all their stuff scattered around the lobby. My eyes started scanning the room for familiar faces. A few popped up and I exchanged a quick hug, or meaningless interchange of greetings. I met eyes with Dillon and a smile grew across both our faces. I headed towards him when my attention was stopped by the opening of one of the many glass doors. In walks Ella and Hilary, it was a surreal moment where I had been entirely focused on Dillon and now I forgot he even existed. My eyes were glued in her direction. When I met her eyes I felt lost, I tried to pull away but I was locked. Someone was pulling my arm and I let them take me away from that moment. It was Dillon.

“Hey, come look at this.” Dillon was pulling me towards his stuff. “I brought a fan dude! Isn’t that ingenious?” I was trying to shift my focus, Dillon was such a good friend I owe him that much.

“Yea that’s, pretty smart.” Dillon looked up at me, he could tell I wasn’t all there.

“You ok?” It’s funny how your closest friends can see right through any facade you put up. Like this stone wall you build is actually a glass door. “You look like you’re not all here.”

“I’m fine just kind of tired.” One thing that is true in my life, whenever I say ‘I’m fine just kind of tired’ the reality is I’m not fine and I’m definitely not tired.

“You sure? You don’t look fine, you can say you’re tired, but I’m not so sure.” At times your best friend seems like a hero and at others a curse. At that moment I wanted him to drop it. In reality I needed him to intervene I was letting my Anxiety get to me. I couldn’t build up enough courage to talk to her so I was just going to sit by passively and watch from a distant. This just made me dread the thought of someone else getting to her before me. I sat down on the bench next to Dillon’s stuff.

“Really, I’m ok, I’m just thinking about something that’s all.”

“Alright, just let me know if I can help.”

“You’ve done enough.”

“No need to sound so solemn.”

“Yea, you’re right, I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright, just remember why we’re here.” He is here to glorify his God. A God I didn’t really know at that moment. God to me was really just there. Just a figure, nothing important to me. He didn’t mean anything personal to me.

“Yea.” I was here for a different purpose, one that I won’t deny as selfish, or wrong. However, one that I can’t deny that I needed.


	5. My turning point (pt 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Second part of this topic, three parts to this event.

As the day went on more people poured into the building. I couldn’t help but examine everyone who entered. I was standing on the second floor balcony looking down on the first floor lobby scanning the people who filtered in. A few familiar faces, Rick, a funny, annoying immature guy, but I love him all the same. He is really a pest though, he has punched me in places I’d rather not describe purely for a joke, he has rubbed toothpaste on my face while I was sleeping and many a times he has grabbed my butt before whispering “Nice buns hun”. An extremely weird person, however surprisingly fit for how lazy and unhealthy he appears.

More faces, Alvin, Gabriel, Sera, and Naomi. Alvin, an extremely smart guy, intelligence radiates off him, maybe it’s his glasses, or maybe it’s because he always has something smart to say, but he is also quite a nerd. I made the mistake of telling him that I enjoy playing a video game time from time but, I don’t have any new systems or anything. Ever since that conversation he has attempted to force me to buy new gaming systems which I always protest. Then there is Gabriel, we call him Gabe. What a weird person, cocky, overbearing, and attention seeking. He honestly believes he is one of the best Basketball players ever, he buy expensive basketball shoes, expensive basketball shorts and he never backs away from an opportunity to lie. He is tall and has disheveled blonde curly hair, and uneven teeth. I may be biased to disliking him however, he is disgusting; I can think of three separate times he has told me he was going to ask Ella out. Something I would have nothing to do with, I tried to talk him out of it and the conversation would just go south. He would say something rude like how hot she was or some part of her body that he liked, I wouldn’t disagree but it is no one’s place to ogle over a girl like that.

Sera, what a sweet girl, I can honestly say that I love Sera, she has never done me wrong, she is always nice and she makes everyone smile. A true friend that I still love to this day. Me, Dillon, and Alex all call her Mom, and for years the rest of us thought Alex was in love with her, which was unfortunately not true. Finally there is Naomi, an athlete, someone I always dislike in a hypocritical way. Sweet girl, but she lives a double life extremely openly. Always making some big scene about how much she needs Jesus, just to post some raunchy selfie the next day. I can’t say I was much better, and I sure was hypocritical at the time, but I don’t think I was wrong for being disgusted at the way she acts.

“Whatca doing?” I snapped out of my trance and looked to my left to see Hilary standing there. I leaned into the rail I was holding just to push off it with more force. I took a step backwards and a deep sigh.

“I was just people watching, don’t you ever do that?”

“Yea, at school with hot guys ha…” Her voice trailed off, and I couldn’t help but feel extremely uncomfortable standing there talking to her. Something felt off, like she was uncomfortable. “Not, that I spend all my time thinking about guys; that was just a joke haha.” She laughed awkwardly and I kind of cross examined her. She seemed really off balanced here.

“Is something wrong?” I regretted asking that instantly as I felt like she may feel like I was prying for information.

“No, I just didn’t want you to think- never mind” she paused for a moment and looked down and shifted to lean against the wall. “so, what’s up?”

“Nothing really just wasting time till the first session, what’s up with you?”

“Same, I guess I just dropped my stuff off and saw you looking down and wondered what you were doing.”

“Like I said: people watching sometimes, I like to watch people and see what I can learn just from examining a crowd.” I felt like I opened up a little too much but I didn’t really care all that much, I’ve always been one to be a closed case, never sharing anything important or personal, but lately that has been changing and I’m not sure why.

“Oh, I see.” She sounded like she was shocked like maybe she never expected that from me as insignificant as that data may be.

“So, who else are you here with?” She looked up almost hurt, I was confused but she washed that look off her face, again confusing me greatly.

“Oh, no one really I didn’t bring anyone-“

“I meant like who are you staying with down there? Like, in your room?”

“Oh” her voice was small. “Just like a bunch of girls, I mean you know that, well, I know Naomi, and Sera were going to put their stuff with me… and Ella.”  Her voiced was growing louder and back to normal before she mentioned Ella. Why did Ella strike a chord with her?

“Ah, ok thanks I was just wondering, trying to make conversation I guess.” I started to turn my body as a symbol of leaving. “I’m gonna go upstairs now, so… see you around?”

“Alright, yea totally see you around.”

“Ok…” I said ok just to have the last word, I don’t like to let people have the last word, even in text messages, If I let someone finish a conversation, I either don’t care about the conversation or Love that person enough to trust them to say something wholesome to finish it. I passed Hilary and walked up the stairs to my room, I took a deep breath at the top of the stares before exhaling deeply, that was really weird.

“Hey Dillon.” I saw him standing in the room as I entered. He was taking after me and making a bed out of chairs.

“Yo, what are you up too.”

“I just had a really weird conversation with Hilary, she is kinda weird man something is off about her.”

“Yea you can tell me that again.” For a very long time Hilary had a super crush on Dillon which made conversations kind of awkward between me and her since I’m Dillon’s best friend. However, this conversation was different, we never even mentioned Dillon…

“Do you think she still likes me?”

“Probably, what girl doesn’t like you?”

“No, that’s not true thanks though.” Too humble.

“Why, do you think I’m your friend? You’re a chick magnet; I hope some of that rubs off on me.” I grinned at him and he punched me in the arm.

“Whatever.” He was smiling ear to ear. His tone betrayed his words he was blushing.

That night we headed down stairs to go to the first session of the night. I won’t lie it was pretty impactful, I thought for sure I wouldn’t be able to focus, but I was surrounded by friends, all guys and it made it a little easier to focus. The lesson was about being real with God, before you go out tomorrow to minister. This was really important the speaker talked about how he always viewed God as the big man in the sky. He told us how that’s not really true, you should respect him, but he is also down here with us. He is within us, I felt my spirit stirring, that night and the man talked about a lot of important things. That night I decided to pray, to make a change in my life. I started out by asking God to show me a sign because I was having a hard time believing that he was important, or that he even listened. I said “God, If you even care show me something, I don’t need it to be some big light in the sky or something like people usually ask for, maybe just have someone put a hand on my shoulder or-“ As I was praying, before I even finished that though someone put a hand on my shoulder. I had been previously isolated away from everyone else when I was praying. Then I felt another hand on my shoulder and another. Three guys were praying over me and I started to cry. I felt so dumb that it had taken me 16 years to attempt to talk to God. Then something dawned on me, people always say God works in mysterious ways, I felt like he introduced me to Ella a girl that matched every quality I found attractive so that I wouldn’t be able to say no when she said “You should come to Reach 941”. I owe Ella a lot, but that is probably at the top of the list, she helped lead me to a savior.


	6. Hangman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Revisiting this particular night made me laugh, at how dumb I was.

That night was confusing; I was getting mixed signals from a lot of people. I’m not sure if it was just emotion driven, but everyone was kind of mellow. I was ok with that though, to be honest I’d rather have everyone be more contained after a message like the one we had. I was hanging out in the youth room that night, and we were about to watch a movie: _How to Train your Dragon._ I only remember what movie was playing that night, because every time someone mentions it, or I see it on TV, it flashes me back to that night. Four of us decided to bail from the movie and play cards in another room, it was me, Hilary, Ally, and of course, Ella. Ally, was someone who I respect, because her and I are on the same intellectual level. We can have discussions on almost any sophisticated topic that I would enjoy, random obscure countries, or scientific theories, or mathematical theorems. We also have a mini-competition to see who can talk about the most intelligent topic. She seems to always one up me, but I’ve learned to let her, because regardless of what I say she has a million things prepared. We had given up on cards and were now playing Hang-Man. The whole time, I will not lie; I was trying to appear as smart as possible, making obscure references, as well as media references to make it look like I was very well rounded. I’m not sure if Ella noticed, but I hope she didn’t because, I feel very embarrassed at my hotshot persona that I was displaying. That night Ella was so adorable, I mean some girls don’t need makeup like at all, and she is one of them. It was late so I would have been surprised if anyone was wearing makeup, but she was stunning regardless of the makeup. Her cheeks were extremely rosy and dotted with freckles, I’m not exactly sure why; but freckles are one of the most attractive features to me.

“W?” Ally asked for a W as if it pained her to do so. I love hang man, my vocabulary is so expansive it’s one of the few games I can dominate in.

“One W.” I reluctantly wrote a W on the board revealing the first letter of the word. The topic was geography. I will admit that I can name more countries than most people specifically countries that don’t exist anymore making it all the more entertaining to me.

“What in the world… W, blank, S, T, blank, blank, A, blank, I, A.” Ally grimaced, “Asher, that makes no sense at all.”

“Or you just aren’t as smart as you think?” I was hoping she would give up she only had one more leg left on the hang man and I won.

“I refuse to admit that. How about… an E?” Dang.

“Alright, you got one.” I added the E between the W and the S, and all of a sudden I noticed that at this point Ella, and Hilary were no longer paying attention. Something I do a lot, I get too focused on one thing and lose sight of my original plan. They had my phone, I had given it to them because Ella was listening to my music. One thing we had between us was music. There is no stronger friend maker than a share of love in something, especially music. When your favorite band is someone else’s favorite band; you are now their best friend. I had recently began branching out my music taste, I used to be a fan of Greenday, Blink-182, My Chemical Romance, and no one else. However, around this time I had begun listening to Fallout boy. This sparked a change in my music taste. My friend Shawn (a story for another time, our various exploits that is) had always introduced me to music like rock and such. He had just gotten me into Panic! At the Disco maybe a month ago, which was really ironic since I found out Ella loved that band. I was kind of surprised to be honest she didn’t strike me as a punk, or even a rocker for that matter (boy was I wrong.).

“Sooooo, West- hmmm” Ally was straining her head, I could almost see her scanning through her vast knowledge of countries. “Does it currently exist?” Wow.

“Well, that’s subjective.”

“What do you mean?” She sounded mad that I avoided the question

“I just mean it’s not a country currently but, it was, it still exists though.”

“So a state? Or a territory?”

“Sure.”

“Is it in Europe.”

“I’m not going to tell you!”

“Then, yes, it’s in Europe.” I hate people who do that. Draw conclusions from denial. “so…. State, Europe, that means Italy, or Germany.” She was straining her brain, and she was getting uncomfortably close. “Westphalia!” She shouted it matter-of-factly and looked so pleased. “I knew it!”

“Yes, unfortunately you did.”

“German states, that could be its own topic…” Well I guess so. All of a sudden Hilary and Ella who had been quite reserved at this time, started giggling like school girls. I started smiling, I can’t help but smile when people giggle, it’s amusing.

“What are you guys doing?” I asked that as I stepped towards them, just to see that they hid my phone from me. “Give me my phone back…” I kinda sighed saying that, I was kind of nervous as to what they were laughing at on my phone, I don’t even know what’s on my phone. I started running through the worst, they found some text between me and my mom that’s embarrassing, they found some revealing email, some dumb song I had downloaded (at that time I had some 90’s rap so… yea kind of dumb).

“Sorry, just hold on a sec.” Hilary was walking away from me with my own phone.

“Can you just give it to me?”

“No, one more sec.”

“Ok, give it.”

“Alright here!” She literally threw my phone at me. I fumbled to catch it and quickly began to search through my phone trying to discover what they had been laughing at. Instagram was still open… They posted a picture… on my page… At first I was inclined to delete it. Then after a second thought, I kind of enjoyed having a picture of Ella on my Instagram. It was a cute picture (Ella was at least) and the caption read “my two favorite people” Not 100% true, but 50% true. I quickly closed my phone as to not reveal that I saw the post. I left it as a sign, so people could see that Ella was on MY Instagram, not much of a statement since Hilary was in the picture, but I couldn’t help but imagine that someone would interpret that picture the way I wanted them too.

“Alright, well on that note, I’ll be heading to bed.” I just left without giving anyone a chance to say goodnight, I sort of wanted them to think I was upset, I wasn’t really, but at least if Hilary thought I was upset she wouldn’t revel in her Instagram post. That night I was so consumed with thinking about Ella, specifically about how we interacted that night. I began to regret a lot of things I said and did. I began to feel like I had let my boyishness take over, and do dumb things as a way to try and impress someone who I couldn’t impress through actions, because one thing about Actions, they reveal more about someone than that person would like.


	7. Shoulder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this Chapter is long, it is one that I put a lot more passion in than I normally do. Also sorry that this is long overdue. Last Monday, I discovered that the real Ella [Hi you :)] was reading this series. So I won't lie I began to censer my writings a bit, and not use the same emotion I originally used. However, on Friday we spoke and my heart was unchained. So it took some courage to post this chapter, because it isn't censored, it is exactly what I was feeling during these events.

When, I woke up something dawned on me: Ella is going to see what I look like in the morning. Dang, that’s going to suck. I have really long, thick black hair, so in the morning my hair is usually all over the place, and a comb won’t fix anything, nothing but a shower, or some hair gel will do the trick. I rolled out of bed like a log; straight onto the floor. I kind of just lay there, thinking. Street ministry. That’s what they said were doing today. What does that entail? In my mind I pictured myself praying with strangers, or talking to strangers about the gospel. That didn’t really seem that effective, but whatever. The fan was chilling my body as I lay on the floor, I wasn’t wearing anything but boxers and I was beginning to feel the results of that now that I had exited the warmth of my sleeping bag. I sprang up and almost passed out from the sudden change of elevation, there was a rush of blood to my head, and my eyes went black for a moment. I came too, and It dawned on me that I was the only one awake. My eyes surveyed the room, scanning for a shifting figure to see if I was truly alone. Nothing. I slipped on a T-shirt, and a hoodie and jumped into a pair of shorts. I decided to go without shoes and instead opted to put them on later.

I stepped out of our room and jogged down the stairs. I was beginning to wake up, and that was good, I needed to be attentive today. I plunged both my hands into the pocket of my hoodie, before my hands wrapped around a piece of stiff cloth, _my hat._ That couldn’t have been more perfect if I tried. My hat is very opposite of me. It is a camo hat with an American flag (not red, white and blue though still camo.) patch on it, as well as a golden fishing hook. I myself am not southern, patriotic, or a fisherman. However, I wear it because a good friend of mine gave it to me before he deployed to the Middle East. I glanced at my watch 6:50. They said be down at breakfast by 7. I was hopeful that I would be first, for first dibs on food. As I stepped out of the stair well, I instantly regretted the choice of no shoes. The stairs and all the second and third floors are carpeted, but the first floor is tile. The cold tile sent shivers through my body reminding me that I have very sensitive feet. I hobbled over towards the kitchen. As I stepped into the lobby, my eyes locked onto the café. Almost all the girls were already eating in the café.

I began to scan the room for Ella, I was like a third grader looking for his crush, but I cannot lie, she still does that to me today. I can’t help but scan an entire group to see if she is there. My eyes stopped on the back of her head. Unmistakably her, her blond hair was loose over her shoulders and she was wearing a black athletic t-shirt. I began to walk to the kitchen, eyes forward to portray the façade of focus on food, and not Ella. “Hey Asher!” of course it was Hilary to break the silence.  

“Hey, I’m going to get some food, I’ll be back.” I felt like I wanted that to be a lie. I actually wanted to grab some food, take the other stair case back upstairs and avoid having to talk to her all together. I wasn’t nervous (to talk that is) I just didn’t want to talk to Hilary. She isn’t bad or anything, I just wanted to avoid an awkward conversation. I grabbed a chocolate muffin and a water bottle and paced back towards the café. I stopped for a second at the crossroads. To my right: the second stairwell, to my front: the café and to my left: the sanctuary. I bit my tongue and walked forward and took a seat with Ella and Hilary. “Told you I’d be right back…” My voice trailed off, and I just kind of stared at Ella for a minute. She literally took my breath away, when I say literally, I mean it because I stopped talking entirely. When someone still looks as beautiful as she does at 7 in the morning, and then has the nerve to say what she said next, there is a problem there. She looked stunning, and I looked like a drug addict. What was I thinking? I began to examine her face, not a trace of makeup, how in the world is she so beautiful? Her hair is like a frame to a masterpiece, and her eyes like a vibrant green sea. Why do freckles captivate me? They are just specks on the skin, yet something I love so much. I stared for what seemed like an eternity, before I broke my glaze to stare at my muffin.

“Sorry, I look so gross in the morning.” Either humility or self-confidence issues, not quite sure yet, but it pained me to hear it, because I wished that in that moment I could just stand up, grab her hand and look her in the eyes and say ‘no, you look absolutely gorgeous’ but, I would probably just embarrass myself, end up stumbling over my words, and get laughed at. No, now was not the time.

“It’s the morning, whoever thinks they look good in the morning? I mean, I wouldn’t say you look gross, at least your hair doesn’t need to be covered up by a hat.”

“Yea, nice hat by the way.”

“Thanks”

“Ahem-“ Hilary cleared her throat to announce her presence. “Aaaanyway, as I was saying.” I just kind of zoned out, my mind way elsewhere. A combination of chocolate muffin: yum, and Ella. Hilary was blabbing on about something that happened to her back in Alabama, a mixture of laughing, and talking about some southern guy. I just kind of floated through the rest of the morning until it was time to leave. Somehow me and Ella were in the same vehicle. I was like ‘God, I only gave you my life last night and already you’re dropping me blessings, you rock man!’ So we were riding in Aric’s car up to the place for street ministry, and I won’t bore you with the details, but basically we filled bags with rice and beans, and then we took the food we had bagged up (rice, beans, mac & cheese, green beans etc.) and put them in carts to distribute to the surrounding area of our home town, which was kind of slummy. Then we began walking around giving out food.

“So, we need to break up into team of six each.” I began to slide towards Dillon so we would be partnered. “But, we also need two people to go do the few houses over here.” Aric was pointing behind him at the nearby homes to the south. I raised my hand.

“Ok, Asher.” I was nudging Dillon, but he wasn’t raising his hand. “Anyone else?” I was glaring at Dillon at this point and he whispered to me

“I want to go with Megan.” Megan, of course, his crush, the most stereotypical crush; Tall, long legs blond hair and very skinny. Not for me. But, if that’s what Dillon wants, who am I to judge, I am currently pursuing a girl more out of my league than he is.

“Ok, Ella sounds good, so you two will take some food to those houses.” What?

“There you go, someone pretty to look at anyway.” Dillon was smiling, like a kid who finally got his way, and he winked at me as he walked away. I was still standing there in shock, she rose her hand to volunteer, even though she was with all her friends?

“Hey, I didn’t want to be involved in all their drama.” I see, well… I can’t very well complain can I?

“Alright, sounds like a deal, no drama for us.” She laughed at that and I knew this was going to be a good time. We wandered around the neighborhood distributing food and chatting with the people, I knew just enough Spanish to get us by some families. We were walking around just enjoying each other’s company and we suddenly were aware that we were out of food. We began to walk down the street until Ella grabbed my arm.

“Is that…” she was pointing at something in the middle of the road. I appeared to be a dog or a cat, from this distance I wasn’t sure which. “That’s not a…” She was either scared or? Then Ella just started humming like she was really uncomfortable. “That better not be a cat, I will literally start crying.”

“What?”

“I love cats.”

“It’s just road kill.”

“Can we go some other way?”

“No, this is the way to everyone else.” Then I had an idea, I took my hat off and gave it to her. She took the hat and covered her face, I couldn’t help but laugh, she was cute, freaking out over a dead cat.

“I can’t see now though.”

“Exactly; I’ll guide you don’t worry.” I placed my hand on her back and began to steer her down the street until we were past the cat. The rest of the day went on and we went to a few more neighborhoods. We took a break from the ministry and went to a neighborhood pool for a few hours to unwind. I wasn’t in the mood to swim so; instead I was tanning on a lawn chair, when Ella came over to join me.

“Hi Asher, can I join you?” I turned my head to see her. Wow, when I said she was out of my league earlier, I was right. I was now currently blown away trying to regain my composure.

“Yea, sure.”

“Thanks!”

“Is that a good idea?”

“What?”

“You, tanning? Your like ghostly pale.”

“I’ll be fine, besides you’re doing it.”

“I’m the color of like mahogany wood; you’re like the color of Birch. At least get some sun screen”

“I’m fine really.”

“If you say so.” So we laid there just chatting a bit about life and sharing stories, some I’m sure I embellished quite a bit, trying to work myself. I got up and began to realize how blessed I am, Ella lying beside me, the sun shining bright, and time to help others. How could this day get any better? Just wait. We got up and packed up about 20 minutes later. When we reached the parking lot, it was revealed to us that Aric had left early. So we were to ride home with another chaperone. This chaperone was my mentor and Ella’s Dad’s former youth leader. So they were pretty chill, and we were pretty chill around them. On the ride home Ella was really quite. I soon realized that that was because she was tired. I knew she was tired because she leaned into me and placed her head on my shoulder. My day just got better. I was stiff and uncomfortable, but I dare not move. I didn’t want to wake her, and I couldn’t believe myself. I can’t explain the feeling that I had at that moment, but it was something I wish to revel in, and something I hope for more of. _The feeling of her._ The rest of that day was a blur. I was more than happy, and wanted nothing more than to do that all again.


	8. Hilary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short but necessary in the grand scheme of everything.

I hated getting to church so early. Why do I have to be there by four p.m. honestly? It was a raining evening and as I hopped out of my Dad’s truck it felt weird. Like something was going to happen today and that sinking feeling in my gut was evidence that I was right. I walked into the church and headed upstairs, just to find that the soundboard was already set up, and so was the stage.

“Uh, hey Asher. You know I’m on tonight right?” I don’t really care, but this just meant I had nothing to do. “We’re already set up too.” Richie dropped his head and continued working on the soundboard.

“Ah, I see.” I paused for a moment to scan the room. The band was already unpacking to get ready for practice. “Well, I’ll just watch I guess.” I sat down in one of the pews and after a while the band began to play. It was weird to be just watching the band without doing anything to interact. I really wanted to get out of here, but there was nowhere else to go. I could just go skate I guess. All of sudden Hilary walked into the room, and I was slightly perturbed since she wasn’t on the band tonight.

“Hey Asher!”

“What are you doing here so early?”

“Well, I was bored so I asked my mom to drop me off early.”

“Oh, I see.” This is really awkward. I wonder if she knows that she annoys me? Probably not due to the fact that she always seems to want to hang out with me.

“This is boring, you want to walk around?”

“Walk around where? The church?” Dumb question, but I didn’t know how to respond.

“Yeah, the church.”

“And do what?”

“I don’t know.”

“Alright sure, I guess.” I rose from my seat, and to be honest, I didn’t want to go, but I was tired of Listening to Richie shout at the worship leader. We began to walk into different class rooms in the building writing on the white boards, and to be honest it was a pleasant change of attitude from Hilary. She always seemed to be overbearing, but I was having genuine fun with her for the first time. She brought a smile to my face and I was pleased that she was no longer being mean to me. We got to one room and she stopped in the middle of the room. I was beginning to feel uncomfortable by the silence.

“Can I talk to you?” Crap. It dawned on me what was happening, and I had suspicions before we left, but I was racking my brain trying to find an out, make the situation lighter so she drops the conversation.

“Yeah, of course!” I was trying to sound enthusiastic so she didn’t know I already caught on.

“Can we be serious?” Dang.

“Yeah, I guess.” I laughed a bit as I pulled a chair up to the table, I was attempting to make it look like a business meeting, I was hoping that the more awkward I made it; the less likely she would be to go through with this. I sat down in the chair and put my hands on the table professionally. “Talk.” I sprouted a grin at myself, I thought I was being funny, but I was trying to keep a straight face.

“Asher, I used to dislike you, but spending more time with you, I’ve really grown fond of you.” Here we go, I shifted in my chair and took my hat off. I began to fiddle with the hook on my hat. “I know this is weird, but Asher, I really like you a lot, and I wanted to know if you felt the same way? Its totally cool if you don’t really, I can drop this crush I have on you really fast, but if there is anything between us I-“

“Hilary, you’re a sweet girl, really, and I think you will find the perfect guy one day, but I’m not him, you don’t want me I promise, I’m a mess, and really I’m not ready for a relationship.” I paused, and looked at the pain that grew in her eyes. I hurt me to say that, but I didn’t like her. I would soon find myself regretting saying that I wasn’t ready for a relationship. “It’s almost dinner time anyway so, lets just walk away from this.”

“Ok, I’m sorry.” Her voice was shaky. She didn’t want to do this but she forced herself to. Poor girl.  I rose and left the room, leaving her behind and it soon dawned on me that I may have caused a problem.

The rest of the night was pretty laid back. At dinner Ella showed up and I tried to strike up small talk. We talked about some stuff that I don’t really recall. I remember that as I laughed and talked with Ella, I could see Hilary staring at us and I felt like such a hypocrite. There was little I could do though; I didn’t want a relationship, because relationships usually don’t last. I wanted something more than a relationship. I won’t lie I didn’t know who could offer me that, but I was searching for it, and if Ella could, then I was lucky, but regardless I didn’t think anything would sprout anytime soon. I would soon find out how much I needed something though, something real, because my heart was pretty empty.

 


	9. Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spending some much needed time with Ella.

As time moves on you begin to regret time wasted. The next few weeks after Reach 941, I was pretty passive; I was going through the motions of life until one day I took a leap of faith.

“We need to hang out.” I was sitting at a table on Wednesday night eating my dinner when those words shook my world.

“With me?”

“Yea, with you, we need to do something.”

“Like what?” I was trying to wrap my brain around this. _Ella wanted to hang out._ “I’m not sure quite what there is to do.”

“See a movie, go to the beach, I dunno, I just want to hang out some time with some of my friends from church.” I see.

“How about ice skating?” I regretted saying that instantly. I can’t ice skate why in the world did I suggest that? Well, I know exactly why, Ice skating is pretty romantic I think. Sometimes you see a couple ice skating in a movie and that’s something I wanted, I don’t know why I wanted to suggest ice skating with a group though. I can barely stand on my skates let alone skate around the rink.

“I love Ice skating!” Then it dawned on me, _Ella is going to be a pro ice skater_. She is from up north. **Where it actually snows**. Dang it. Me and my fat mouth, there is something so humiliating about suggesting something and the people you suggested it to are far superior to you. I already knew she was better than me in almost every sense, but I didn’t want her to know that. Arrogance is my downfall it seems. “Isn’t there an ice skating rink by our houses?” She was right, Ella and I lived pretty close to an Ice rink, also it was pretty nice that we lived close to each other.

“Yea there is, we could totally go there some time. I’ll suggest it to someone.” I was racking my brain trying to figure out how to go ice skating. I was suddenly picturing this beautiful moment, where Ella and I were arm in arm skating around the rink. Except, you know, I can’t ice skate. It has literally been almost ten years since the last time I’ve ever ice skated, Florida problems. The rest of the night I was thinking about ice skating, winter jackets, and cozy movie nights during a cold winter night. I love the winter, but maybe just because I’ve never seen snow. Movie nights; that could be fun too. I’ll keep that in mind.

That Sunday morning I told Reese, the student intern, about my plan to go ice skating. “Yea, I mean we could go ice skating, that would be kind of fun.” Reese was scratching his head; “I could take a few people there.”

“Alright, thanks!” Reese went up on stage that morning in youth group/ Sunday school, I don’t know what to call it.

“Ok, so we are going to go Ice skating today after church if anyone wants to go 1-3” Some people were clamoring and speaking amongst themselves before we broke into small groups. After that I walked down stairs and saw Ella, I broke into a smile and walked over to meet her.

“You hear?”

“About the ice skating?”

“Yea! Isn’t that great?”

“Yea, I’ll make sure I ask my dad about it, I’ll probably be able to make it.” Sweet. This could actually turn out to be pretty sweet. I was looking forward to this, and I felt like this was starting to turn around and my tires weren’t spinning in the mud anymore.

“Well, I’ll hope to see you there!”

“For sure, see you around.” And we split. I went home changed, grabbed my favorite hoodie/sweater, and I won’t lie, I only brought it because I wanted to look cozy, also I always bring a jacket when a girl I like is there, in case they are cold, it’s been the only strategy of mine for the past few years, I have literally no game, but this is one thing I know. **Girls like big jackets** that they can literally swim in. I hopped into the truck with my Dad and we took off to the ice rink. I was old enough to drive, but my family’s financial situation didn’t allow me to have a license due to insurance cost. We only encountered a little traffic and we pulled up to the ice rink. An old decrepit building, been around since before I was born. I was eying the gray building; it had this really corny design on the front of the building. It was a 3D statue bursting out of the building. He was a hockey player and gave the appearance that this 15 foot tall hockey player was bursting out of the walls of the building and about to run straight into traffic on the highway. As I approached the building, I was covered with nostalgia. I used to come here when I was young, quite a bit actually, although, I rarely skated, me and my friend would just sneak into the locker rooms and watch the hockey game from the sidelines in the next rink over. We would waddle around the stands in our oversized hockey skates trying not to fall over. As I stepped into the building I began to look around the room for Ella. I met eyes and we both smiled. I walked over to greet her.

“Hey, good to see you here.” I hugged her warmly and I was glad that she accepted it, she always smelled really nice.

“Yea, you too.” I stepped back and really enjoyed seeing her somewhere outside of church. She’s such a beautiful girl, I wish I could have sat there and stared at her a bit longer, but there was skating to be done. “You know how to skate?”

“Yea, of course, I skate with like skateboards, and roller skates, and I ice skated when I was little.” Confidence is something to behold right?

“So, you can ice skate though?”

“Yea, I got this!” I was lying through my teeth, I couldn’t skate to save my life.

“Alright, well, I’ll see you on the ice.” I looked down to see she already had skates on, and figure skates at that. Dang, this will be interesting. I ordered a pair of hockey skates from the counter and spent nearly 15 minutes trying to put them on. I’m not very good at putting skates on either. Doesn’t help that I haven’t done it in quite a few years. I struggled to the ice rink and was blasted in the face with sudden coldness. I looked around the ice rink to see people that I recognized. Reese, Dillon, Hillary, Sera, Alvin, Rick, and of course Ella. There she was skating with the grace of a Olympic ice skater. How have I not chased this girl away yet? She is so out of my league. Look at her. Blonde curly hair flowing behind her as she pushed down on her skates gaining considerable speed on the ice. Her cheeks were red from the cold air and it just made her all the cuter. I couldn’t help but stare for a moment. She was so stunning, I really wish I could skate. Well, here we go.

I placed a single skate on the ice and clasped to the lip on the wall. _Second skate_ on the ice, now I’m standing on the ice on skates, my knees wobbling a bit, but I haven’t fallen yet so that’s- I fell. I quickly flung my body back up against the wall and looked around. No one appeared to be looking- “Nice try Asher.” Dillon just raced by at supersonic speed. What a show off, why is he so good at everything, why is he my friend, I suck at most everything.

“Show off!” I shouted back at Dillon as he disappeared down the crowd of people on the ice. I looked around and found Ella, she was going to be passing me at any moment, I better get it together. I began walking with skates, not skating. Thank Christ for my cat like balance, or I would be on the ground again already. Strong claves help too it seems, mine were currently bulging trying to keep myself standing.

“Need some help, Asher?” _Ella._

“I’m good, just getting used to-“ Ella grabbed my arm and pulled me away from the wall. I began to stumble a bit but got a hold of my balance and she pulled me along the rink. I was just standing there trying my hardest not to fall.

“There, I’ll get you moving.”

“Uh, thanks.” I was in utter awe. At that very moment I was so extremely attracted to this woman. She was rocking my world, there was just something so extremely alluring about someone who pulls you out of your comfort zone and does it physically. I was staring at Ella, she was _awesome_. I believe it was at this moment I knew I liked this girl a whole lot more than just a crush. This was something a little more than that, a crush is someone you just think is pretty, she was pretty, and elegant, and beautiful, and gorgeous, and smart, and funny. OUT OF MY LEAGUE was screaming in my head. I tried to push those thoughts away. They kept returning, I felt the need to bail out of this situation. I kept thinking: _She will find some guy that is better than me, smarter, stronger, more handsome, it’s just a matter of time and I’m going to be left on the side of the road with a torn up heart._ But, instead of letting those thoughts, the same damn thoughts that still fight me today, I decided to finally live in the moment. I decided to enjoy the cold air, the rush of moving quickly, the feel of Ella’s hand and the faces of awe of my friends looking at us. I decided that this was heaven and I don’t want to quit it. I wanted to stay in that moment forever. I wanted this day to last longer but it was soon three. I began thinking. **Movie.**

 ** _“_** Ella.”

“Yea?”

“Would you care to catch a movie later?” It sounds like I’m asking her on a date, catch yourself Asher, that’s too fast. “With some other people… of course…. from the church.”

“Oh,” She paused, maybe she did think I was asking her on a date at first. “I’d love to, what movie and where?” Dang. Think, Think, Think. Sometimes, I kick myself for not thinking things through, I usually do, but Ella makes me want to be spontaneous which can be dangerous some times.

“How about the new Hunger games movie?”

“Alright, that sounds like fun do we know what time? And Which theatre?” Thank God for smart phones. I pulled my phone out with my free hand and googled movie times. Lakewood Ranch six o’ clock.

“Lakewood Ranch, at six?”

“Sure, I should be able to make that.” Alright, now just to make sure other people can go…

“You can invite whoever you want too.”

“Ok, great! Well, it’s three, so I guess we should leave now?” **_Ella, I never want to leave_**. That’s what I wanted to say, but I didn’t have the courage. We skated to the door and parted ways. I may have stumbled a few more times, but that’s ok I had the movie locked in so that’s good. Everyone got up and left shortly after with a few hollow good byes. Then, we were off. I went home for a few minutes, ate some food, brushed my teeth, put on some fresh cologne, over my jacket, because I never changed. Then, on my way to the movie. I was waiting in the lobby till I saw Ella… and Hillary. Of course. No words were really exchanged other than heys, and ‘you got your tickets’ I was trying to distance myself from both of them. I didn’t want Hillary mad at me, and I didn’t want Ella figuring out what happened to me and Hillary. Then, when we got to our seats in the theatre, and Dillon showed up late. Something happened that bothered me dearly. I sat on the end leaving the seat next to me for Ella I hoped. I always wanted and still want Ella to sit next to me, It’s funny you never realize until after someone else sits next to you that you wanted someone else. That’s what happened; Hillary sat next to me, why? I don’t know I would have hoped she would have hated to sit next to me. I was in confusion the whole movie. It really bothered me. Then during the movie, I looked over at Ella. She was leaned forward in her seat with her elbows on her knees.

“Ella,” I was whispering. “Ella,” she looked over at me, “are you really that into this movie?”

“No, I’m really cold.” Bingo. I slipped off my jacket and tossed it to her. “Thanks so much!” I just nodded; I felt like a champ, I did something good for once. Then, I turned my head back to the movie and disregarded the whole thing, I just thought about ice skating. I hoped for more times like that. Most of all, I hoped for more _time with Ella_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Real life Ella just told me about my jacket the other day, so I had a refreshed memory for this chapter, thanks bae ;p


	10. Jet Ski

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anticipation is the light form of anxiety. The good form of anxiety.

Sometimes, when I do something with other _people,_ I replay those moments in my mind for multiple nights to come. I’ve always told people that I don’t sleep because I’m insomniac, but the truth is: _I’m an anxious person_. I think about stuff I said or did for weeks, and it keeps me up at night. However, that night after the ice skating, I slept like a baby. I was in such a good mood for the next few days that it was noticeable. At work the older wiser men knew what was up, a good friend and mentor of mine Dave, (actual name believe it or not Dave can’t have a name change because he is Dave and Dave alone) is a retried pastor, and he knew what was up that Monday at work.

                “Asher, how’s it going my boy!” Dave came up beside me and put a hand on my shoulder, grasping me firmly and pulling me into a hug.

“Fantastic, I’ve actually been great lately, thanks for asking.” I hugged Dave back and he smiled at me quizzically.

“You met a girl.”

“What?”

“I know, I was a boy once, it’s pretty evident that silly grin on your face betrays you.”

“Ha, yea I guess I did.” He pushed me away and laughed.

“Asher got a girlfriend!”

“She isn’t my girlfriend, besides she doesn’t even know I like her.”

“Sure she does, you’re not a subtle person Asher.”

“I can be!”

“No, you can’t; I have to get back to work and so do you, but first: I better get to meet her eventually.”

“When she is actually my girlfriend, then maybe.” I winked at Dave and walked out of the breakroom to go back to work. I couldn’t stop thinking about what I said whilst at work, and what Dave said. What an odd man, but I love him all the more for it.

The next few days were a haze of joy. I was finally in a good mood that wasn’t originated from bad friendships or beaten enemies. This was something new, something in my life that I was learning to love. Later that evening, as I was skating with Dillon he said something that peaked my interest.

“We ought to go jet skiing some time, my Grandpa got them working again.”

“Yea, last time was pretty great…”

“What… when your voice trails off your thinking about something.” I looked over at Dillon and gave him my best puppy dog eyes.

“Can we take Ella?” I paused and he just started grinning. “I really think she would love to go jet skiing she once said that she really wanted to go.”

“Asher… wow…. I’ll see, I didn’t expect you to- Is this a date that I’m third wheeling?”

“No! Just friends.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Really, bring your brother, or Megan…”

“Oh, so now it’s a double date.”

“No! Unless your calling Megan your girlfriend.”

“Are you calling Ella yours?”

“No…”

“Then Megan isn’t mine.”

“Touché” We continued skating for a while before he packed up and went home. I was left alone hoping that this would work out. I was imagining jet skiing with Ella. This picture came to mind that I quickly shook away: Ella holding on to my waist as we crashed through the waves. Jet skis might just be the greatest invention ever. I plopped down on the side of the road and it just overwhelmed me that I actually like a girl. It had been so long. It was a feeling that I welcomed back. A feeling that I wasn’t used to, and something that I had no guard against.

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“Asher!” Excitement, in Ella’s voice, I did something right. It was Wednesday night and I was leaning back in my chair after dinner wondering when Ella would arrive. Then there she is bursting in the room saying my name. Amazing.

“Hey!” I stood up to greet her, and then sat back down trying to play it cool. I probably looked like a dork leaning back in my chair at dinner with my feet propped up on the table. There was so dumb conversation going around the Table, and I was watching Ella take a seat beside me. “How was your day?”

“Pretty boring, I hate school sometimes.”

“Ha, me too.” I paused and took a deep breath. “Ella,” she turned to look at me “would you like to go Jet skiing some time?”

“Oh my gosh, yes I really would.” She looked surprised and excited. “That sounds awesome, at Dillon’s house?”

“Yea, at Dillon’s”

“I’ll ask my dad, you should text him too.”

“Good idea.” She gave me her dad’s number and I shot a text to her dad later that night: [Hey Mr. Brandson, this is Asher Pyrce. I was wondering if it would be ok for Ella to go Jet skiing with Dillon, his sister, and I this Saturday. I’ll text you his address if she can go.] I waited anxiously for an answer. I got one the next day: [Yea, she should be able to go, I’ll be at work so I would text Adeline (Ella’s step mother) if I were you to see if she can take her.] I responded: [ok, thanks.] He sent me his wife’s number and I texted her the same information and everything seemed in place for Saturday. I waited anxiously for Saturday. I literally couldn’t wait, I got super ready for it. I was now thinking about anything other than going jet skiing that day. I was very mindful of what board shorts I would wear, and glasses, and necklace. I was extremely thoughtful. I texted Dillon Friday morning. [Hey, man, do you need me to do anything tomorrow?] he texted back a few minutes later [could you come earlier and help me gas them up?] [sure].

I was so excited for Saturday I couldn’t contain it. It couldn’t come fast enough; my Friday went by in a flash because the level of anticipation I had. Saturday morning and I was out of bed as fast as I could. Put on my favorite board shorts, a pair of glasses, and an ornate necklace shaped like a Rhino. I went to my phone that morning. [Hey, you could pick Ella up for Jet skiing? We don’t have a way to get her there.] Wow, at first I was excited, I get to pick her up! Then I was worried, my Mom had to drive… There are ups and downs on living in a low income household, ups being scholarships for college, people buying your lunch, a stronger bond with your family, everything is more precious, and meals are spent together around a dinner table. The downs are lack of money for everything, like insurance to get a license. Meaning my mother still had to drive me around. Quite embarrassing. I was now thinking ‘Please mom, be cool.’ I texted back p[Yea that’s fine, I’ll be over around 12]. 12 came around too quickly and we were a little late to Ella’s house. She came out in a beach outfit, she was so gorgeous. How was I taking _this_ girl jet skiing? I mean, she is so amazingly beautiful. I opened her door trying to do anything to seem less nerdy that my mom was driving. “Hey, ready to go?”

“Yea! Did you drive?” Crap

“No…”my voice was soft “I can’t afford insurance.”

“Oh, I see.” She walked outside and to the open door of the car. “Hi Mrs. Pryce!”

“Hi sweetheart!” Oh gosh mom why?

“Ok, well let’s get going haha” I was trying to move things along as quickly as possible. I climbed back into the vehicle and shut the door. I took a deep breathe, relaxed a bit leaned back my seat, and prepared for the worst. I don’t even remember what the small talk in the car was about; I just wanted to be at Dillon’s house faster. We pulled up to Dillon’s house and I probably lept out of the car. I walked up to the garage to see the Jet Skis on a trailer with both engine covers off. That’s probably not a good sign. “Hey Dillon!” Dillon poked his head out from under the back of one of Jet Skis.

“Oh, hey. So a bit of a problem, this Jet Ski isn’t working, and my parents said we can’t Jet Ski with only one, because that makes it a safety hazard.”

“No Jet skis?”

“No Jet Skis.”


	11. Worth it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More jet ski action.

When something doesn’t work out, learn to be flexible; become aware that everything isn’t always going to be perfect, and then it’s easier to be flexible.

I stood there looking pretty defeated; then it began to sink in: No jet skiing with Ella. No arms wrapped around my waist as we bounce over the waves, no overconfident 360’s, no massive air, and no showing off. I looked around at Dillon who had a look of ‘what am I supposed to do’ look on his face and Ella looking quite confused.

“So, what do we do now?” Ella looked around as if a jet ski was going to fall from the sky.

“Well, we can go fishing.” Dillon and fishing. Like his favorite go to sport. Little does Dillon know I dislike fishing, _a lot._ He takes me all the time regardless, and I go because he loves it.

“Can’t we just take one jet ski out and take turns?”

“My parents said we can’t because that’s dangerous.”

“How so?”

“What if you wipe out and the other jet ski can’t go save you?”

“Oh.” I was racking my brain for a solution.

“What if you take the boat out, and we jet ski?” I really wanted to jet ski and her solution sounded pretty good.

“Nope, that wouldn’t work, but we can just take the boat out and go tubing?” I sighed.

“Why not?”

“Alright that’s the plan.” So we loaded up tubes and cable in the back of Dillon’s truck and began to take supplies down to the dock. Dillon’s dock was quite impressive; in a hidden bay surrounded by mangroves and dredged out so even a very large boat could fit in the bay. The dock was large with multiple drop ins and a boat ramp, a boat house, and a boat lift. Dillon dropped Ella and I off at the docks with the gear and pealed out to go hook up his boat which was stored away from the dock.

“Wow, this place is really cool.” Ella was looking around scanning in the entire scene.

“Yea, its pretty awesome; Dillon’s grandpa built all of this himself.”

“Really?”

“Yea, he is a really cool guy, you’ll have to meet him some time.”

“Sounds like a plan.” I walked down the dock and began pulling a rope tie out of the dry box on the dock. Dillon was coming back with the boat; I was planning to tie it off once it was in. He pulled his truck up to the water and dropped it in the water before carefully pulling out the ramp. I pulled the boat across to the dock and tied it off. Ella walked over with a bunch of life jackets and I tossed the cable in the boat. Then Dillon rolled the tube up to the dock and together we lowered it into the boat.

“Alright, that should be everything.”

“Yep, so we should be good to-“

“Dillon!” Dillon’s brother ran up to the rest of us. “Can I go too?” Dillon’s brother Jackson was a very calm person, extremely mature for his age and although he is five years younger than me, he is truly a good friend of mine.

“Hey Jackson!” He smiled at me and we high-fived. “How’s it going?”

“Pretty great, anyway Dillon, I want to go if that’s ok?”

“Yea, for sure lets go.” So Jackson joined us, and we all piled into the boat for the day. Dillon started the boat and we began to take off. After leaving the bay Dillon accelerated to cruising speed and we travelled around for a bit before throwing the tube out into the water. “Who wants to go first?” We sat there in silence no one wanted to be the first to volunteer. “Well, it doesn’t really matter.” I wanted to take Ella right away, but maybe she wouldn’t want to go right away.

“I’ll go” Jackson stood up and looked at me “Come with me Asher!”

“Alright that sounds fine.” I rose from my seat and got the corner of the boat before examining the tube floating in the water about five feet from me. “Hey, watch this.” I wanted to show off, I really wanted Ella to think I was cool, so I did something I wasn’t fully sure I could pull off. I leaped from the boat with a front flip and landed on the flip with quite a splash in turn pushing the tube away from the boat. Jackson jumped after the tube and I pulled him up on the tube.

“Nice flip”

“Thanks.” We got situated on the tube and crossed our arms across the handles to get a better hold. Then suddenly Dillon hit the acceleration and we were off. With the pull of the boat jerking us forward we leaned back to avoid the tube going underwater. I have done quite a bit of tubing in my time, and would venture to say I was pretty good at it. So, more showing off it is. I got onto my knees on the tube, and then I was standing on the tube hoping I wouldn’t fall off too quickly. So I dropped back onto the tube so that I wouldn’t fall during the inevitable turn Dillon was pulling.

“You’re a show off.”

“I know, but its fun.”

“Trying to impress you girlfriend?”

“She isn’t my girlfriend.”

“Oh, sureee, bringer her to go boat-“ Jackson was cut off by a sudden wave and we were airborne, but just for a moment. “Whatever, let’s not give Dillon the satisfaction of throwing us off.”

“Agreed.” For the next five minutes or so we leaned back and forth and tried out hardest not to fall off. When it seemed as if we had bested Dillon, and there was little more effort he could exert to throw us from our tube Jackson and I looked at each other. “Hey Jackson… We should backflip off the tube.” His eyes grew

“That’s hilarious. You think we can pull it off?”

“Of course!” I had no idea, I had never even tried to do that.

“Then let’s try it!” We both stood up on the tube and squatted. With one synchronized jump we leaped into the air and I gracefully pulled off a black flip, hopefully one that had impressed both Dillon and Ella. I hit the water with quite a splash and when I surfaced looked to see Jackson bobbing in the water waving down his brother. Dillon pulled the boat up besides us.

“Nice black flips.”

“Yea! That was pretty awesome!” Got her! Felt like a champ, like I had just won some sort of golden medal.

“Yea, we coordinated that pretty well huh?”

“We sure did. Alright, now Ella should go.”

“I’ll go, but I don’t want to go alone.”

“That’s fine, I’ll go again.” I was floating in the water besides the boat and with those words I began swimming out to the tube. I pulled my self onto the tube with quite a bit of effort. Then began pulling the cable to bring the tube to the boat. I saw Dillon pulling out a life jacket for Ella and Jackson peeling his off. What a nice day, this was going to go down as one of my favorite days guaranteed. As I drifted up to the boat Ella was walking to the edge of the boat. “Jump!”

“What?”

“Just jump its cool, I’ll catch you if you over shoot.”

“I’m not afraid I’ll over shoot…”

“You’re so close, you’ll totally make it.”

“Alright, I’ll try.” Ella leaped onto the tube with such grace I swore it was like a movie scene. Arms out hair flowing back and landing on both feet before dropping into her knees. “Hi” Ella smiled as she began moving around on the tube.

“So… you know how to tube?” It was nice being on the tube with Ella. Something I was enjoying quite a bit.

“Yea, the basics. Like don’t fall off.”

“Well, if you situate your arms like this…” I laced one of my arms under hers and grabbed a handle under her chin. “And now bring yours over here.” She moved her other arm under mine and grabbed the handle. “Now, we are going to be able to hold on a lot better!”

“Sweet!” We got comfortable and Dillon took off once again. We began speeding along, and I couldn’t help myself but show off a little more. I didn’t let go the handle but stood up, so it looked like I was a cowboy on a bull. I was having quite a bit of fun, but suddenly I saw Dillon grinning and I knew he hadn’t gone as fast as he could before. He was waiting for me to become confident. Crap. I dropped back down and Dillon pulled hard left.

“Ok lean right to counteract the turn so-“ but before I could finish Dillon turned hard right suddenly making a S shape pattern in the water. “Hold on and lean left now, we are going to be whiplashed.” I was right, we were jerked hard and Ella began to slide off. I grabbed the back of her jacket and pulled her up toward the front of the tube, “Your good, I got you.” I felt like a god dang hero, I could do this all day.

“Thanks Asher!” She was laughing too, which assured me that this was a good choice to bring her tubing. I was on such a high of adrenaline and joy that I couldn’t think straight. All I wanted to do was ride tubes and hold Ella… from falling of the tube of course. We rode on the tube for a bit longer before we finished, without falling off at all. Then we pulled out a knee board and I showed off my mad knee boarding skills, (I had never even attempted to knee board before) I even pulled off a 360. The day was fantastic. We went back to Dillon’s house and watched TV for a while before Ella’s mom came to pick her up.

“Hey, uh Ella.”

“Yea?” I wanted to say a million things, but instead I just said

“Can I get a ride with you? My uncle lives by your house.” I wasn’t lying I needed a lift, but I wanted to say so much more.

“Yea, of course!” Her mom dropped me off on their way home with little conversation on the side, and I couldn’t stop thinking about the tubing, and Ella, and how she looked on the tube, how beautiful she was, yet so modest about it. I walked into my uncles house to see the rest of my family, there was a party going on, when asked where I was, I answered truthfully, and got ridiculed mercilessly by my cousins, but I can say that it was 100% worth it. I didn’t care what people said, the judgment I received. Ella was so worth it.


	12. My Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Take it.

I won’t lie, I’ve never really done anything like that before, like exclusively, with a girl I liked. I’d been tubing with girls before, but none I liked. To be honest, there had only been like two other girls I’ve ever liked before Ella, so that would explain why I was so quick to brag about tubing. It was kind of dumb really, but I would answer every question of ‘how was your weekend?’ with ‘Absolutely fantastic’ which was my way of saying ‘ask me more about my weekend’. Whenever I had straight guy talk with any of my closer friends, I found myself hinting that I went tubing with Ella. I found myself becoming very happy though, which was a bonus. People could tell, it was radiating off of me. I was soon looking for more opportunities to spend time with her. I figured I would ask her to hang out soon, maybe a movie night like she had suggested earlier. 

I always looked forward to Wednesday nights, they unusually the highlights of my weeks. However, this Wednesday night was unlike any other. It was the beginning of something that forever changes my life. Something that gave a piece of heart away, and I’m not regretful of that.

As I walked towards the door to church, my mind was racing: _Movie night, which is going to be the winning idea._ I wonder what that night would have been like, if I had been aware ahead of time what was going to happen. I was half expecting the church to be empty, it was only 4:00 after all, and dinner was at 5:30. However, Dillon and his family were already there, and so was a handful of other people. “Hey buddy,” I walked towards Dillon and clasped a hand on his shoulder and pulled him to turn around. “How’s it going?” I embraced him like the brother he is to me.

“Great actually, I got a new dirt bike!”

“Really?” I acted surprised, but he had been talking about getting a new bike for some time.

“Yea! It’s a 225cc engine, its sooo loud!”

“I’ll pretend to understand that.” I patted him on the shoulder and walked past. I just sat around for the next hour or so on my phone. Until, it was finally time for dinner. I grabbed some food and sat down at a table. Ella didn’t show up like she had in the past a little early to talk to everyone at dinner. I won’t lie, I was quite disappointed. As I walked towards the elevator later that night, I saw Ella walk in. She forced a smile and I was suddenly tipped off to something going on. I chose to hold me tongue in case it wasn’t concerning me. Oh, how I was wrong. “Hi, Ella!” I went to hug her and she pulled away a little early. I knew something was up but wasn’t sure what.

“Uh, hey.” Voice was small, something big I guess.

“Are you ok?”

“Yea! I am!” Her voice picked up like she suddenly realized I had caught on.

“Alright, lets go upstairs I guess.”

“Agreed” We walked into the stairwell together and began ascending up the stairs. Suddenly she stopped on the second floor. She looked at me and her eyes were big, then quickly she looked down. “I need to talk to you.”

“Ok?” My heart was racing, my breathing was increased so heavily, I had no idea where this was going, but I was excited and anxious.

“So, I can’t… Asher?” She looked up at me while peddling her foot on the ground, she seemed as nervous as I. “People are saying we are a thing… Are we a thing?” Oh, wow. This was unexpected. This caught me more off-guard than anything had ever before. My mind began running over two options. One: I tell her the truth, and she either rejects me or accepts me, or two: I lie, protect myself from getting into anything and hold my promise I made to myself to stay away from getting involved with girls. It was a hard decision, and the reason I made the correct choice was because I was already involved with her.

“I mean, uh… _I want to be._ ” Truth. I chose truth, and am so grateful that I did. Because that one choice changed my life for the better.

“Me too.” My heart skipped a beat, I felt a sensation in my chest, something I had never felt before, but I instantly knew I wanted more. “We need to get away from everyone else Asher, I want to talk more about this, and something else.”

“Out that door.” I motioned to the second story door. We left through it together, and walked around the corner into a dark hallway. We both slid down onto the ground away from everyone else, and were sitting across from each other in the tight hallway. “So…”

“So, the truth is: Hillary told me that I needed to come tell you that we _aren’t_ a thing, and call all _this_ off, but I couldn’t bring myself to do that. I couldn’t lie to myself.” Oh.

“Hillary?”

“Yea,”

“She is being selfish… I can’t really say why, but this is for her gain.” I sighed “I’m just glad that you told the truth” Like me. I was looking into her eyes, and in that moment, I’m fairly sure I’ve never been more attracted to a woman. From that day forward she took a piece of me that I think I want her to keep. Suddenly someone was in the hallway. We both got really quiet.

Around the corner walks Jane. “OH! I didn’t see anything I’m out.” Ella and I locked eyes and yelled at the same time,

“Jane, Jane! Wait!” Jane stopped,

“It’s ok, I won’t tell anyone, you guys are safe with me.”

“Ok, good, but just know we didn’t do anything, we were just talking.” I just confused myself.

“Right, ok lips are sealed.” Jane walked away and I was left feeling like that was a mistake. I committed from that day that I would befriend Jane, so that she wouldn’t go blab everywhere. Ella, and I walked upstairs and into youth group and the message was really ironic. That night, the message was focused on boundaries between couples. It was good timing though, and after youth Ella approached me.

“Hey, Asher.” I smiled.

“Yea?”

“My boundaries are to wait, I can’t date yet, I’m sorry.” I began thinking.

“Yet?”

“Next year.”

“I can wait.”

“Really?”

_“Your worth it.”_


End file.
